posted on 06/13/07 by Opie
Tried to pick up the wrong chick.
Note: You guys should submit more of the funny porn again
Joke Long but good
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day/10-lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19-year-old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads,"If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20-lb. program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze. So, for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."
Send yours here!
- FFL -
- Nice ass.
- $10 tees.
- Hot Latina.
- XXX videos.
- Pass the fire.
- Evil Dead remix.
- Michelle is hot.
- Busty lesbians.
- I love strippers.
- Excellent body.
- New energy drink!
- Do it on her face.
- Some real drifting.
- Girl with tourettes.
- Slutty cheerleader.
- They lost his pants?
- What the hell is this?
- Awesome chick fight!
- That was a good toss.
- Topless and oil are nice.
- Ultimate Warrior is gay.
- I never get tired of this..
- Man juice makes her cry.
- Four sluts sucking cocks.
- Lots of porn vids for free.
- Her head is like a square.
- This umbrella video is hot.
- These are fake-fake titties.
- Can you spot a fake smile?
- Yeah this bitch was crazy.
- Banned Gillete commercial.
- She blocked me. (Old school)
- Amateur porn is the coolest.
- Black people Vs white people.
- That's a big fucking Twix bar.
- Grey's Anatomy / House M.D. Crossover.
- Confessions of a former Circuit City worker.
- I could barely draw a box on an Etch A Sketch.
» WTF Sopranos
posted on 06/11/07 by Opie
Some old school Rodney Carrington.
Really funny wrestling.
Another Dear Sister...
How a KO works.
Animals like to hump.
I wouldn't eat those chips.
Safari in China feeds tigers live cows!!!
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls".
When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?
Perplexed In Pittsburgh
- FFL -
- Party girls.
- Get in now.
- Boob prank.
- "Tight" teen.
- Sexist Tees.
- Loud orgasms.
- Three hotties.
- Poop + Tetris.
- Nice rack on her.
- Dumbass and fire.
- I need a BeerBot.
- Hotties in a party.
- Drugged up ASIAN.
- Eiffel Tower Diving.
- Girl on girl grinding.
- She works out good.
- The Sweetest Thing.
- Facial and a bitch slap.
- Never make a sex tape.
- Human Tetris. (ASIANS)
- Brock Lesner MMA debut.
- Really weird cartoon sex.
- Amateur couple DOING 69.
- Two chicks and one dude.
- Great cell phone commercial.
- Trapped under a moving bus.
- Check out the funny T-shirts.
- Carmen Electra performance.
- Energy drink caused a boner?
- Paris going back to jail... haha
- Hitler gets a Microsoft live ban.
- Slut gets a facial she wont forget.
- 10 of the coolest trees in the world.
- Guy on People's Court gets kicked out.
- Will Smith's new movie looks awesome.
- You'll have this shit in your head all day.
- Cat with a bow golf... Kind of cool game.
- To the Single Deep Sleeper Dude Next Door.
- Top 15 Unintentionally Funny Comic Book Panels.
- Apparently they dropped this bomb in San Francisco.
» now now brown cow
posted on 06/08/07 by Opie
Bug Light swear jar!
The songs that should play in TV commercials.
I think I'm calm.
Little kid and a big ball meet.
They still laugh while he's motionless. Awesome.
Simpsons - Dear Sister.
The best boxer ever... Or not.
Caught in the act.
Jennifer Love Huge-Tits!!!
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right ma in landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
That's a big ass hog.
By the way... I still hate cats.
There are shadows in the black.. I mean back.
- FFL -
- BJ chick.
- Nice tits.
- Real sex.
- Lesbo city.
- Kiss my ass.
- Money shot.
- Orgasm gun.
- Funny shirts!
- Fresh snatch.
- Gisele's MY girl.
- Live video chat.
- Elle Macpherson.
- Anal sex cry baby.
- The Scorpion Kick.
- Crystal Meth bunny.
- Hottie naked in public.
- Huge pussy insertion.
- Awesome bike stunt.
- Best passed out prank.
- Barely legal teen fucked.
- Hitler's Ultimate Downfall.
- Akon is one strong negro.
- Big titties and thick.. hmm.
- People kissing themselves.
- She has like eleven titties.
- Did they give this kid drugs?
- Videos of some stupid ghost.
- Oh neat. New species found.
- Carmen Electra getting down!
- She can barely fit it in her mouth.
- Water bondage with Aria Giovanni.
- Wheelchair dude taken on a 50-mph ride.
» deez nutz
posted on 06/06/07 by Opie
Q and A
Q: What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?
A: The New York Jets.
I want to fly on this airline.
A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving.
The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be held against you.
The drunk replies, "Tits."
Send yours here!
- FFL -
- Get a BJ.
- $10 tees.
- Local sex.
- Say "AHHH".
- Nipple pops.
- Horny blonde.
- Buns of steel.
- Birthday Strip
- Hello nice ass.
- The facts of life.
- Last name is Fagg.
- BBC enjoys Goatse.
- Sex in jail.. (Germs?)
- Dirtiest T-shirt ever.
- Burly Sports is great.
- Cheating wife busted.
- Dart shooting pussy.
- The great bikini race.
- Bunny Ranch footage.
- Breast, yes, we love them.
- Rubbing "it" in the hot tub.
- I wish my penis was 24 inches.
- At the beach with Adriana Lima
- Horny teen gets a hard pounding.
- Naked chicks beating each other
- Google maps can find thongs now!
- Sexy girl fingers herself in the stairs.
- Britney Spears thong pictures... What happened?
- I always wanted to flush shampoo down the toilet.
- In case you're dumb and haven't seen the Knocked Up trailer.
» la la la
posted on 06/04/07 by Opie
Q and A
Q: Why does Virginia Tech suck at basketball?
A: They lost their best shooter.
This is the funniest/craziest coach ever.
"Banned" Pop Rocks commercial.
I think the deer got lost in the trees.
I enjoyed watching this no hand lady eat a hot dog.
Great carpet cleaning commercial.
The rifle fish is the coolest.
This frog is obviously a Princess.
Don't do crack.
Breaking the sound barrier is cool.
Shogun Rua Vs Rampage Jackson
A boy asks his father "Dad, what's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"
His father replies "Follow me" and takes him into his bedroom to his wife asleep in bed.
The father pulls up the covers and points between his wife's legs and says "That's a pussy".
The boy replies "Can I touch it?" The father says "No, you will wake the cunt".
Hip, Hip, Hooray.
Everyone point and laugh.
- FFL -
- Busty MILF.
- This be hot.
- Public thong.
- Wicked advice.
- "Natural" girls?
- 19 year coma.
- Full body floss.
- Webcam WOW.
- $10 funny tees.
- Sex on the roof.
- Tami is a hottie.
- Janet does a 69.
- Painting her nails.
- Teenage hotness.
- Watch girls get naked.
- Spider eating a lizard.
- 22K for a fucking cat.
- 60 story house = BALLER!
- She doesn't belong in porn.
- Snaps his arm in two places.
- Uma has some Fresh moves.
- I'd like to oil those babies up.
- Naughty teen assriding a cock
- Homeless dude gets a blowjob.
- Slutty blond plays the skin flute.
- Wild nasty party girls going crazy.
- Victoria Secret Models Montage 1.
- Victoria Secret Models Montage 2.
- Crouching Tiger Hidden Light Saber.
- 3D Superball!!!!!!<- added for drama.
- These white guys sure sound like niggers.
- It's weird when your teeth come out your skull.
- Homemade sex toys for guys! (I prefer my hand)
» Cyber via Myspace
posted on 06/01/07 by Opie
Q and A
Q: What's the difference between penis and bonus?
A: Your wife will ALWAYS blow your bonus.
So his whole REAL eye falls out..
Update: Looks like the drumstick broke in his cheek or eye.
Fight club could have been for gays.
Ghetto fight then a car enters the scene.
What an excellent dropkick.
These robots can repair themselves and make copies!
A lady walks into a high class jewellery shop.
She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price"
To funny for words, apparently not these though... Shit.
I'd commit suicide...
Future porn site webmaster.
- Perfect BJ.
- Hot Latina.
- Mega tittie.
- ASIAN slut.
- Hit by a bus.
- Biker chicks.
- Pretty in pink.
- Learn English.
- Get Laid Today!
- The morning after.
- Paris Hilton naked.
- Microsoft Surface.
- Come onnnn tittie!
- Any bondage fans?
- Meeting Dad... haha
- Cute girl gets a facial.
- Hot blonde having sex.
- 10 Most Bizarre Museums.
- Fat girls shouldn't ride bulls.
- Top spammer arrested. Yay?
- She shouldn't do that alone.
- Bitch robbed the wrong guy.
- We want you in our T-shirts!
- I love these Axe commercials.
- Possums are fucking awesome.
- Return of the Humping Dolphin.
- Miss USA Booed in Mexico City.
- Robs her, then wants her digits.
- Anyone know what exactly this is?
- C.I.L.F. (Cartoons I'd Like to Fuck)
- ADAH? Not that.. Let's go ride bikes.
- Best advertisement for a strip club ever.
Note: The Daily stuff are dupes from last month, they will be updated later tonight. Also May archives will go up tonight as well.