Edit Since this is apparently a big deal or whatever I'll just wait
until Friday and post the stuff you guys sent it. So it will be a pretty
big post to close off the week.
I'm not going to type what I think of all this, mainly because I don't want
to read the bitching. I'll just say that it's going to get worst, so stop
crying. (Then Canada will take over the world.. eh?)
What do you call 9 Mexicans standing in front of a house?
A spicket fence.
I think I can.. I think I can..
I wonder if he knows where he is?
"Look Momma, It's the Devil."
Funny image of the day award goes too..
Saw this in the forums, Dot Beta is silly.
If you look close you'll be able to see someone not interested.
If you don't laugh at this below, You don't belong here.
Little Billy on Getting Older
Little Billy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know
eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
teeth, and make you fat."
Little Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
"No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"
Little Billy on...Philosophy
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Billy.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Billy says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting
on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking
the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's
gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Billy replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
Little Billy on... Math
Little Billy returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father."
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied Billy.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father?
"That's what I said!"
Little Billy on...English
Little Billy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable
Billy says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Billy, that's a mouthful."
Little Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
Little Billy on...Grammar
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought
my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!"Then, she reluctantly called
on little Billy.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."
A little boy about 10 years old was walking down the sidewalk, dragging
a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a
whorehouse and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw
the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with
one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving
until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.
Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any
of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said, "No!" He said,
"I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love
with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant
and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room
on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind
him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam,
and headed out the door! The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick
the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are
going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just
happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease
that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter
home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the
disease. Then when dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will
go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes
to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and
catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"
A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby
to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came
out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. The boy smiled
at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked,
her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a
few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "let's go to my apartment,
I hear someone coming" He followed her into her apartment, she closed the
door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now
nude, she purred at him, "what would you say is my best feature"? Flustered
and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears" Astounded,
and a little hurt she asked "my ears? Look at these breasts, they are full
and 100% natural I work out every day, my butt is firm and solid,look at
my skin - no blemishes anywhere.How can you think that the best part of
my body is my ears? Clearing his throat, he stammered "Outside, when you
said you heard someone coming? That was me."
On another note, you guys are doing a great job of submitting
stuff this week. Tomorrow's post will have some extra crap.